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“Required reading…sharp and insightful…lively and straightforward…a novel and sometimes startling analysis of workplace dynamics.”—New York Times Book Review In her extraordinary international bestseller, You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen transformed forever the way we look at intimate relationships between women and men. Now she turns her keen ear and observant eye “Required reading…sharp and insightful…lively and straightforward…a novel and sometimes startling analysis of workplace dynamics.”—New York Times Book Review In her extraordinary international bestseller, You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen transformed forever the way we look at intimate relationships between women and men. Now she turns her keen ear and observant eye toward the workplace—where the ways in which men and women communicate can determine who gets heard, who gets ahead, and what gets done. An instant classic, Talking From 9 to 5 brilliantly explains women’s and men’s conversational rituals—and the language barriers we unintentionally erect in the business world. It is a unique and invaluable guide to recognizing the verbal power games and miscommunications that cause good work to be underappreciated or go unnoticed—an essential tool for promoting more positive and productive professional relationships among men and women.


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“Required reading…sharp and insightful…lively and straightforward…a novel and sometimes startling analysis of workplace dynamics.”—New York Times Book Review In her extraordinary international bestseller, You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen transformed forever the way we look at intimate relationships between women and men. Now she turns her keen ear and observant eye “Required reading…sharp and insightful…lively and straightforward…a novel and sometimes startling analysis of workplace dynamics.”—New York Times Book Review In her extraordinary international bestseller, You Just Don’t Understand, Deborah Tannen transformed forever the way we look at intimate relationships between women and men. Now she turns her keen ear and observant eye toward the workplace—where the ways in which men and women communicate can determine who gets heard, who gets ahead, and what gets done. An instant classic, Talking From 9 to 5 brilliantly explains women’s and men’s conversational rituals—and the language barriers we unintentionally erect in the business world. It is a unique and invaluable guide to recognizing the verbal power games and miscommunications that cause good work to be underappreciated or go unnoticed—an essential tool for promoting more positive and productive professional relationships among men and women.

30 review for Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work

  1. 5 out of 5

    Janet

    Deborah Tannen is a linguist and was affiliated with a university that my mother-in-law, a former librarian, worked at and brought to my attention. I am now reading her books as it relates to communication with my 13 year old daughter, to ensure that the negative dynamics that other mothers of daughters does not enter into our relationship. I find authors who resonate with me, and tend to read anything they write thereafter. For instance, if an author, from my opinion, tends to stereotype, I cann Deborah Tannen is a linguist and was affiliated with a university that my mother-in-law, a former librarian, worked at and brought to my attention. I am now reading her books as it relates to communication with my 13 year old daughter, to ensure that the negative dynamics that other mothers of daughters does not enter into our relationship. I find authors who resonate with me, and tend to read anything they write thereafter. For instance, if an author, from my opinion, tends to stereotype, I cannot read them. Tannen leveraged research and observations of male and female communication styles, from the earliest life stages to share how the different sexes communicate differently. Around this time, Men are from Mars book was around and was, for me, based on stereotypes that I did not identify with. Tannen's book is more scientific and non-labeling of behaviors so resonated with me tremendously. As a result of reading the book, I was able to learn how to interpret messages from women as much as men. Since I am a strong thinker, women were actually more difficult for me to understand than men. As an example - "Report" talk by men vs. "rapport" talk by women -- women talk "troubles talk" to build community, when men hear this, they are more than likely to feel that the problems need solving and will say what to do; this creates dissonance as the woman just wants to feel understood not "bossed" around, and the man can't understand why she's telling him problems if she doesn't want solutions. This book takes those issues to work and through many examples from her own research and others in sociolinguistics, anthropology and sociology, Tannen makes the point that different communication styles are problematic only when people don't understand them, that there is no "better" way to talk than another. Tannen made a fascinating point about communication styles and conversation rituals. She writes that people think they can tell when someone is lying to them, but research shows that really, people are not good at discerning this. In a similar way, we think we can tell if someone is confident and a good leader by the way they talk, but we can't. A woman, who raises the tone of her statements to sound like questions, who gives indirect orders and who seeks input before making decisions may often be assumed to be weaker than a man in a similar role, but her conversation rituals are not a true mark of who she is; they are the communication style that she was more likely than not socialized to use as a woman. Likewise, men are assumed to want the floor and command, when sometimes they would rather not take it. Tannen gives evidence on how difficult it is for women to be heard in meetings, and provides anthropological studies that show that as far back as age 3, boys listen to boys and girls listen to girls at play, but boys do not listen to girls, and may ignore and insult them when they pipe up to direct activities. This book is not a polemic against men or masculine styles. Tannen finds that most communication styles are appropriate in many instances. There is more than one way to get the job done, and sometimes, a masculine style is better than a feminine style, and sometimes the opposite is true, but she makes it very clear that a lack of that understanding can be detrimental to organizations because of erroneous assumptions made about people's abilities based on their conversational style. One of her overriding points, born out by her research, is that women tend to talk to build community and do nont like to stand out for accomplishments or for failures in a group. They will engage in ritual talk that seeks inclusion so as to maintain good feeling among the group, not because they are insecure and need to feel that no one dislikes them. Men, on the other hand, tend to engage in one-up talk, are more sensitive to being one down, and will take the lead to avoid being bested. (When a woman who is trying to build community is "one-upped" by a man who takes her ritualistic talk and her willingness to put herself down to create harmony, she feels "betrayed" by his spurning of her communal talk to take the upper hand. Who is "right?" Neither, but their reactions to the same conversation may be very different and in some cases, harmful to the organization.) The last chapter, "Who gets heard" is especially instructive, and the afterword is a great essay on the issue with justification for her methods and theories. I think this book would be perfect for anyone who reports to someone of the opposite gender or who is the boss of same.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Steve Kohn

    I don't remember how this got onto my book shelves, but there it was when I was looking for something to read. Wish I'd read it years ago. When I think back to the times in my work life when I had difficulty, it was never because I couldn't accomplish a technical task. No, it was because I couldn't communicate effectively with a co-worker or boss. (Sometimes my being a knucklehead didn't help either.) The book is written, I think it's fair to say, for the benefit of women, but it works as a good g I don't remember how this got onto my book shelves, but there it was when I was looking for something to read. Wish I'd read it years ago. When I think back to the times in my work life when I had difficulty, it was never because I couldn't accomplish a technical task. No, it was because I couldn't communicate effectively with a co-worker or boss. (Sometimes my being a knucklehead didn't help either.) The book is written, I think it's fair to say, for the benefit of women, but it works as a good guide for men, too, on how we Americans talk at work. (Americans because, as I learned from the book, other cultures -- the Japanese, especially -- talk very differently than we do.) The author is a college professor and linguist, and sometimes quotes more research studies than we need to know about. Sometimes we'd wish an editor had convinced her to cut to the chase, or not present that particular argument at all. But if you're a woman in the work force, or have a loved one who is, or are a male working with women, I think you'll find this book interesting and valuable. You might, as I did, start listening to conversations at work in a different way, almost as a linguist would. One chapter, "Marked: Women in the Workplace," is an eye-opening tour de force. It makes me marvel even more at those isolated examples of successful women in the Fortune 500, and what barriers they overcame to achieve the top rungs. This is one of those books that's like your first pair of glasses, letting you see more clearly the reality that had, unknowingly, been a blur.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Julio Bonilla

    The fear of rape is the extreme form of it; the fear of male violence is nub. Women have always be discriminated against in the workplace, be it making less than their male counterparts or called names. This book explains why women are always made fun of at work.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Gwen

    When I started reading this book, I didn't realize just how long ago 1994 was in the realm of workplace communication and office management. As such, a number of items (especially dress and makeup) are dated, but some things never change in 20 years: B. Mikulski is still a senator, and people are still giving H. Clinton grief. This book is long on detail and academia-speak (not necessarily bad things), but it is exceptionally short on action items. How do we, both women and men, change the situat When I started reading this book, I didn't realize just how long ago 1994 was in the realm of workplace communication and office management. As such, a number of items (especially dress and makeup) are dated, but some things never change in 20 years: B. Mikulski is still a senator, and people are still giving H. Clinton grief. This book is long on detail and academia-speak (not necessarily bad things), but it is exceptionally short on action items. How do we, both women and men, change the situation? What are concrete methods of changing things for the better? How can we improve office communication between the sexes? Unlike Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, which cited this book and provided strategies for change, Tannen provides no tips on how to better communication, and this book would have been greatly improved with the inclusion of such ideas.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Elizabeth

    The book would probably be most helpful for people in managerial roles. It is more of a guide to understanding communication styles than a guide to improving one's own. I did find it very interesting though. It gave a concrete voice to many of my own perceptions about the way I am perceived and helped me to understand one of my co-workers in particular who has a communication style at the exact opposite end of the spectrum from my own (and one that I don't often encounter in southern society). I The book would probably be most helpful for people in managerial roles. It is more of a guide to understanding communication styles than a guide to improving one's own. I did find it very interesting though. It gave a concrete voice to many of my own perceptions about the way I am perceived and helped me to understand one of my co-workers in particular who has a communication style at the exact opposite end of the spectrum from my own (and one that I don't often encounter in southern society). It was also nice to have someone with a pedegree confirm that many of the labels that have been applied to me because of my own style (not-confident, etc.) are merely mis-reading social cues that are so automatic to me. I appreciated her even-handed and nonjudgmental tone.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Tasha Turner

    Really useful in understanding how wrong conversations can go. Helps in understanding how the same words don't mean the same to the speaker and listener. Adds much perspective to many of the problems we see in today's culture wars. Highly recommend reading any/all of Deborah Tannen's books. I don't always agree with her but she does cause me to stop and think more before getting angry. I also laugh more when miscommunication happens when I find myself saying "I just said that didn't you listen to Really useful in understanding how wrong conversations can go. Helps in understanding how the same words don't mean the same to the speaker and listener. Adds much perspective to many of the problems we see in today's culture wars. Highly recommend reading any/all of Deborah Tannen's books. I don't always agree with her but she does cause me to stop and think more before getting angry. I also laugh more when miscommunication happens when I find myself saying "I just said that didn't you listen to my words".

  7. 4 out of 5

    Christie Bogle

    This is an excellent resource for women and a beautiful sociolinguistic bit of research. Tannen is a serious linguistic researcher who, as it happens, has found a mainstream readership and has successfully marketed herself into a general interest category. She impresses me to no end. If you like Pinker, you'll also like Tannen.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Angiefm

    Deborah Tannen is brilliant. I have been devouring her books, and this is the latest that I've read. Her insights are not just observations; they are reinforced by scientific research. She elucidates how our language works and how it is affected by status, gender, and specific circumstance. It's fascinating, but it's also really, really helpful.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Chris

    I've read several books by Deborah Tannen. She offers insight into the differences between how men and women think, and therefore speak differently. She explains the valid reasons behind both gender styles of communication. This book focuses mainly on conversations in the workplace.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Kristin

    I'd really like to read more of Deborah Tannen, and more about sociolinguistics as well.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Karin Talwar

    I learned more about the spectrum of communication styles, especially when people communicate indirectly. Insightful as to why miscommunication occurs.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Elizabeth

    still reading. But this girl says what needs to be said. Brain Candy.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Jacob Bond

    The overall feel of the book was cyclical. I would feel frustrated or upset by the author's interpretation of situations for 9 minutes and then have a 1 minute mini-experience of hope. The hope was that should would have a rational and objective manner of assessing her many anecdotes. Instead, she regularly used the anecdotes to perpetuate her own narrative, which I will discuss later below There were some moments when I certainly learned something. This is exciting for me. I engaged with a book The overall feel of the book was cyclical. I would feel frustrated or upset by the author's interpretation of situations for 9 minutes and then have a 1 minute mini-experience of hope. The hope was that should would have a rational and objective manner of assessing her many anecdotes. Instead, she regularly used the anecdotes to perpetuate her own narrative, which I will discuss later below There were some moments when I certainly learned something. This is exciting for me. I engaged with a book that challenged my own point of view, made me uncomfortable, and I was able to learn something new by sticking it out and reading it. For example, I now have a better ability to recognize the social ritual of taking either the one-up or one-down position. Also, I acquired a better understanding of the differences in oriental social behavior in comparison to American social behavior. Lastly, I was able to confirm a working hypothesis of mine: if I tried to participate in my workplace social rituals more often, then I would cause problems for myself given the significant differences in my communication styles and my peers. Thankfully the author said not one style is right or wrong in itself. Before reading the book, please know that the underlying framework the book is based on is power. Women being powerless, or having less power, men imposing their power, society rewarding those with power. Power, power, power. She only explicitly alludes to this briefly a few times, but a conscious eye will see the power tones throughout. If you are somebody who sees the world more often through a lens of competence or emotional needs, then you'll likely by perpetually disappointed to constant references or themes of status, power, superiority, unfairness, and inequities. It was interesting to see the genesis of today's feminist movement. It was far more moderate than it is today. Men were not as villanized and tradition wasn't as ridiculed. However, the skeleton of the narrative is the same: men and they institutions they have created are abusers of their power at the expense of women. Therefore, it even had a hint of liberal propaganda in it. Enjoying this book depends entirely on your frame of reference. If you plan on reading this to learn about the raw scientific differences between men and women - wrong book. This book begins with many political premises such as women are "marked", women are vicitims, men are unfair to women, and women face a harder time in general than a man does. Therefore, the science evaluated is about 80% collected and interpreted to verify these initial premises she began with. Fortunately, 20% was good interpretation that was more honest such as describing the variable outcomes of organizing her diverse students into groups randomly, by communication style, by gender, or by ethnicity. Don't expect the majority of what she writes to be her sharing her observations and discussing the possible significance, however. Instead, she uses particular instances to validate her claims. She argues more than describes. If you're looking for a book where the author tries to make an earnest attempt (essay) at characterizing the difference between men and women talking in the workplace, don't read this and expect JUST that. You get a little bit of that. Most of what you get are the nascent sentiments which embody modern feminism.

  14. 4 out of 5

    june3

    This is another book that I selected as part of a learning initiative for managers at my workplace. I read this book when it first came out in 1994. I just re-read it, and I have to say, it remains an enormously important study of how men and women of my generation interact in the workplace. Deborah Tannen is not in management or HR; her field is linguistics. She has remarkable insights into how language colors our every day interactions, how it has an impact on how our accomplishments are (or a This is another book that I selected as part of a learning initiative for managers at my workplace. I read this book when it first came out in 1994. I just re-read it, and I have to say, it remains an enormously important study of how men and women of my generation interact in the workplace. Deborah Tannen is not in management or HR; her field is linguistics. She has remarkable insights into how language colors our every day interactions, how it has an impact on how our accomplishments are (or are not) recognized and how it alters the meaning of just about everything. Among her major points, Dr. Tannen notes that, in general, women avoid conflict and prefer harmony in all things, As such, women tend to speak indirectly. This is so very true, at least for women of my upbringing and generation (see below). Women, even those nominally in power, tend to seek approval. They leave room for consideration and potential disagreement, they buffer any criticism of others with praise, and, as a result, they are simply unheard and and their words, however important, go unheeded. By contrast, men communicate more directly, I call it "jungle mode" (this is my term not hers). Speech is functional and direct. Anger and hostility are used as necessary to jockey for dominance. Once relative positions are established, everyone is back to baseline. Most women of my generation are astounded by this. Why isn’t everyone still hurt and upset after all the yelling? In my experience, if two women have a loud screaming argument at work, there will be hurt feelings for, oh, the next ten years or so. Maybe longer. Two important lessons here. First - while I am still polite and gracious and thank everyone all the time in the normal course of events, I have learned how to be direct when necessary. The first time I opened my mouth and simply said “No, That Is Not Correct” when a group of men were trying to steamroll me, I thought the Earth would open and swallow me up. Surprisingly, that didn’t happen. Likewise, I have not yet determined whether women of younger generations speak indirectly and have the same issues that many Boomer women do. Deborah Tannen herself writes in this book that her experiences focus on “middle class white women” in her university workplace. Our workplaces are now multi-ethnic and multi-generational. Are women of other ethnicities, of Gen X, Millenial and/or Gen Z equally compulsed over the need to seem unassuming? Someone (not me) may know the answer to this.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Gina

    Kind of weak, though for its time period (1994) that was probably appropriate. It starts off validating that men don't like asking for directions - as the stereotype says - and it even gives a pretty good rationale for it. However, it gives two examples - lost planes running low on fuel and male medical workers being unsure on proper doses - that have potentially lethal consequences, and then it doesn't really honor that level of gravity. It is an interesting book linguistically, but it just ends Kind of weak, though for its time period (1994) that was probably appropriate. It starts off validating that men don't like asking for directions - as the stereotype says - and it even gives a pretty good rationale for it. However, it gives two examples - lost planes running low on fuel and male medical workers being unsure on proper doses - that have potentially lethal consequences, and then it doesn't really honor that level of gravity. It is an interesting book linguistically, but it just ends up being interesting about things that are important, and tries to be sensitive to both sides with gross imbalances.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Mai

    I would love this book to give clear guidance on how to talk in an office environment, but instead, one gets tons of information about different conversational styles and how they interact with each other. It´s a great book with a lot of nuances. It changed how I perceive conversations at work. Still, I would love to have a magic answer about how to talk and succeed, but I guess that is just magic.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Elizabeth

    I appreciated all that this book had to offer and thought that Tannen did an especially good job of showing explaining the necessity of the generalizations she was making and the fact that she wasn't making them in order to suggest that anyone change how the communicate. Hers is a project of awareness rather than reform. I'm being slightly harsh with four stars, which I'm ascribing only because it felt to me that this book could have delivered all of the same content in 2/3 the space.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Sarah Rigg

    I'd read Tannen's book about male/female communication styles my senior year of college when taking my "American Dialects" class, and found it quite interesting and informative. This newer book just confirms some of my worst fears that in the business world, women's style of communication is seen as "weak," "indecisive" and "lacking confidence." Definitely worth a read.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Aarif Billah

    my last few books for 2019. . "Tannen diagnoses and labels misleading behaviors that abound in the workplace. She explains that ambiguous behaviors by both genders can hold double meanings that comment on both status and connection: A friend who grabs the check may be flaunting his or her wealth and simultaneously showing generosity. Using first names may exude amiability but suggests a lack of respect. Giving compliments implies holding superior status that enables one to make judgments. Making o my last few books for 2019. . "Tannen diagnoses and labels misleading behaviors that abound in the workplace. She explains that ambiguous behaviors by both genders can hold double meanings that comment on both status and connection: A friend who grabs the check may be flaunting his or her wealth and simultaneously showing generosity. Using first names may exude amiability but suggests a lack of respect. Giving compliments implies holding superior status that enables one to make judgments. Making others wait is a power play, often male." . This explains a lot of confusing misconceptions at work. . https://aarifbillah.com/talking-from-...

  20. 5 out of 5

    Kristin

    A good listen and interesting framing about how we talk. I'll probably get a copy of the book to more carefully understand it

  21. 4 out of 5

    Susan Haines

    Male or female, if you go to a workplace, this book will probably help you understand different styles of communication. Tannen always does a good job of refraining from pointing fingers and saying "You should" or "You shouldn't," but any woman who's ever been at a meeting where her comment is ignored and then repeated later by a man without giving her credit will really appreciate the book. ; ) I particularly liked the examples. The analysis of the examples often went on too long and seemed repe Male or female, if you go to a workplace, this book will probably help you understand different styles of communication. Tannen always does a good job of refraining from pointing fingers and saying "You should" or "You shouldn't," but any woman who's ever been at a meeting where her comment is ignored and then repeated later by a man without giving her credit will really appreciate the book. ; ) I particularly liked the examples. The analysis of the examples often went on too long and seemed repetitive. If I had been the editor, the book probably would have been closer to 200 pages than 300+.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Adam Zabell

    tl;dr - being 'marked' inevitably leads to being misunderstood, and professional women are inevitably marked I came to this book as a recommendation for those who do product management, both as a way to glean insight from interactions with somebody else, and as a caution to listen for what people mean versus what they say. The "women versus men" concerns felt dated, but I suspect that's more a measure of the place I work now than anything having gotten spectacularly better since the early 90s. Con tl;dr - being 'marked' inevitably leads to being misunderstood, and professional women are inevitably marked I came to this book as a recommendation for those who do product management, both as a way to glean insight from interactions with somebody else, and as a caution to listen for what people mean versus what they say. The "women versus men" concerns felt dated, but I suspect that's more a measure of the place I work now than anything having gotten spectacularly better since the early 90s. Conversations aren't just sharing ideas, they're also wrapped in the ritual of how to talk. And those rituals are crucial. When somebody in the group isn't following the pattern, conflicting opinions about "what really happened" are frequent. The solutions fall into two categories. First, women could (not should) retool their style to be more male. But the act of being female in the male sphere means this isn't a foolproof choice: now they're a woman acting like a man. And it doesn't remove the bias, it just slaps a coat of paint on it. Second, leaders can seek to be more aware of how their team talks and works. The quiet person may be the most influential, the woman may have the better ideas, the new hire may have the perfect solution. I learned three new words, which was good: marked - anything that deviates from the presumed norm. The last name of a married woman, for example, is necessarily marked no matter what noun she selects, while the last name of a married man is only marked if he takes her surname. one-up - permanent or transitory positioning in a conversation, a traditionally desired goal for US males troubles talk - commenting on a difficulty in order to gain camaraderie from others, a traditional pattern for US females As a book for "how to help in business" I stand by my rating; there's some good here but it's not supremely helpful. As a book for "how we communicate" I'd give it 4.5; excellent reference for that topic, but it wasn't the topic I was seeking.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Carrie

    I would highly recommend this book to communication scholars and also to anyone who, well, has a job. Extremely readable, although I thought the organization of the book seemed a little haphazard. It's especially helpful to anyone who does qualitative research and needs to consider what people say vis a vis what they mean. Reading the book gets you in a kind of mindset where you are primed to think intelligently about linguistic factors in speech and conversational rituals. Although I've read wo I would highly recommend this book to communication scholars and also to anyone who, well, has a job. Extremely readable, although I thought the organization of the book seemed a little haphazard. It's especially helpful to anyone who does qualitative research and needs to consider what people say vis a vis what they mean. Reading the book gets you in a kind of mindset where you are primed to think intelligently about linguistic factors in speech and conversational rituals. Although I've read work in this vein before in comm theory courses, Tannen definitely does the best job of making the theory meaningful in real-world contexts. It is striking to be reminded that ways of speaking that seem so obvious -- of course that's what I meant -- can be interpreted completely differently by others. Intellectually we "know" that, but it's interesting to stop and really think about it in our day-to-day lives...to remember situations in which people seemed to react to something I've said in an odd way, and realize that perhaps there was some misinterpretation. Of course, her main lens here is gender. I think she goes out of her way to be fair, pointing out that the patterns she has discovered do not apply to every man or any woman, and that neither are necessarily good or bad - the problems arise when people of different styles try to interact, so I didn't think that her work reinforced stereotypes. I found that they ring quite true with my own experience in the workplace (although in some respects, I have a fairly masculine style...not in all cases, though). As a teacher, it made me think about ways to structure class discussion in ways that honor more conversational styles, such as creating situations in which each person is given a "turn" to speak rather than having everyone struggle for the floor.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Ilib4kids

    651.7 TAN p286 It's hard for girls to influence boys...In coed classrooms, girls often become bystanders and observers, while the boys are active participants. p288 This does not mean women cannot get heard; it just means that they start out with a handicap that may be more easily overcome if tit is understood. Women - or anyone who feels ignored- may push themselves not to utter disclaimers: Just jump in and state an idea without worrying about how it is ....Women must realize the double bend ... 651.7 TAN p286 It's hard for girls to influence boys...In coed classrooms, girls often become bystanders and observers, while the boys are active participants. p288 This does not mean women cannot get heard; it just means that they start out with a handicap that may be more easily overcome if tit is understood. Women - or anyone who feels ignored- may push themselves not to utter disclaimers: Just jump in and state an idea without worrying about how it is ....Women must realize the double bend ... run a risk being sanctioned for being too aggressive. books in this Series: #1 That's Not What I Meant!: How conversational style makes or breaks your relations with others #2 You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation #3 Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work

  25. 5 out of 5

    Tay

    Talking from 9 to 5, was relevant and helpful. 10/10 a credible source. It was structured well and contained a lot of info. Well researched and shows the fascinating differences in communication styles and intentions between men and women. Exactly how described. Tannen maintains that as children we are socialized to use language in particular ways. Stereotypically, boys are socialized one way; girls another. However, she also maintains that this socialization is not hard and fast just because of Talking from 9 to 5, was relevant and helpful. 10/10 a credible source. It was structured well and contained a lot of info. Well researched and shows the fascinating differences in communication styles and intentions between men and women. Exactly how described. Tannen maintains that as children we are socialized to use language in particular ways. Stereotypically, boys are socialized one way; girls another. However, she also maintains that this socialization is not hard and fast just because of one's sex. The point is, we learn how to use language. As adults, we must figure out - what were we taught and how is it helping or not helping me in my particular professional circumstances. All this goes to the sub-title: who gets heard, who gets credit and what gets done at work. She delivers on explaining those three crucial points. I was specifically looking for the differences between men and woman in the workplace and this book addressed it well. Everything was covered, reliable and easy to understand.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer

    Yes, this book could use an update. Yes, some of the gender dynamics do seem irrelevant in 2013 (although I would be interested in how irrelevant they actually are if Tannen ever does update this - I've done a lot of research on gender and media, and even today the results are staggeringly discouraging). But this is still an immensely informative, well-researched book that will help you consider how you communicate with and respond to others, irrelevant of gender. I think this should be required Yes, this book could use an update. Yes, some of the gender dynamics do seem irrelevant in 2013 (although I would be interested in how irrelevant they actually are if Tannen ever does update this - I've done a lot of research on gender and media, and even today the results are staggeringly discouraging). But this is still an immensely informative, well-researched book that will help you consider how you communicate with and respond to others, irrelevant of gender. I think this should be required reading for those who are employed in small groups in the work place. The chapter on sexual harassment is the one that jumps out as most dodgy as far as its contemporary application, and the final chapter seems to rely on extrapolating much more from smaller anecdotal evidence than the previous chapters. Otherwise, there is something to learn in this for everyone - and with Tannen's easy writing style it is not at all painful to do so and is, in fact, quite enjoyable.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Melanie

    I was about to go back and re-read You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation in order to write a workplace-focused article on the differences in conversational style between men and women, and then someone mentioned that Deborah Tannen had written a follow-up book that zeroed in on just that topic. I really enjoyed this book, which explored everything from how people speak in meetings to both real and perceived sexual harassment. Tannen's main argument is that men see the world in I was about to go back and re-read You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation in order to write a workplace-focused article on the differences in conversational style between men and women, and then someone mentioned that Deborah Tannen had written a follow-up book that zeroed in on just that topic. I really enjoyed this book, which explored everything from how people speak in meetings to both real and perceived sexual harassment. Tannen's main argument is that men see the world in terms of hierarchy and are constantly seeking to maintain position while women see the world in terms of group harmony and are constantly seeking to make sure that everyone is of equal status. Neither way is the "right" way; Tannen maintains that rather than changing our styles (which can create problems in and of itself) we need to seek to understand how and why we communicate the way we do.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Tom

    Tannen, Deborah (1994), Talking From 9 to 5: How Women’s and Men’s Conversation Styles Affect Who Gets Heard, Who Gets Credit, and What Gets Done at Work, William Morrow, and Company, New York, NY. This book gives a number of remarkable insights about differences in communication style between men and women, and across different country cultures. It shows how differences in conversation style may subtly undermine a person’s attempts to be understood, to exert influence, and to mobilize support f Tannen, Deborah (1994), Talking From 9 to 5: How Women’s and Men’s Conversation Styles Affect Who Gets Heard, Who Gets Credit, and What Gets Done at Work, William Morrow, and Company, New York, NY. This book gives a number of remarkable insights about differences in communication style between men and women, and across different country cultures. It shows how differences in conversation style may subtly undermine a person’s attempts to be understood, to exert influence, and to mobilize support for a new product, project, or idea. Chapters Two (Conversation Rituals), Three (Indirectness at Work), Five (The Glass Ceiling), and Nine (Talking at Meetings) were especially useful. The book builds on Tannen's earlier books, such as You Don't Understand me" that were all about gender communication gaps that created problems in relationships between couples and in families..

  29. 4 out of 5

    Bronwyn

    Another excellent breakdown of how we speak to each other. This is not, shall we say, an encouraging book if you're female working in a male-dominated industry, but it does break down the problem into manageable bits. Really interesting chapter on the number and significance of choices that women make in presentation even before they open their mouths (would be interesting to think about this for men in tech culture, since their manner of dress and presentation is a lot less circumscribed than i Another excellent breakdown of how we speak to each other. This is not, shall we say, an encouraging book if you're female working in a male-dominated industry, but it does break down the problem into manageable bits. Really interesting chapter on the number and significance of choices that women make in presentation even before they open their mouths (would be interesting to think about this for men in tech culture, since their manner of dress and presentation is a lot less circumscribed than in a typical corporate culture). Worth the cost of entry: the idea of meta communicating in order to avoid some of the misunderstandings and assumptions brought on by one's most comfortable speaking style.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Dazed

    This book was recommended to me because I was having some communication issues at work. It was really fascinating to learn about some different styles of communication, although I don't think it would have helped me prevent the particular trap I fell into. It also offered interesting insights into work-related issues, such as being passed over for promotion and other phenomenon of the workplace. I didn't expect this sort of analysis so it gets bonus points from me for it, even though I will admit This book was recommended to me because I was having some communication issues at work. It was really fascinating to learn about some different styles of communication, although I don't think it would have helped me prevent the particular trap I fell into. It also offered interesting insights into work-related issues, such as being passed over for promotion and other phenomenon of the workplace. I didn't expect this sort of analysis so it gets bonus points from me for it, even though I will admit that I skimmed through a lot of it as I had to return it to the library.

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