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13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success

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The author of the international bestseller 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do turns her focus to parents, teaching them how to raise mentally strong and resilient children. Do today’s children lack the flexibility and mental strength they need to cope with life’s challenges in an increasingly complicated and scary world? With safe spaces and trigger warnings designed The author of the international bestseller 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do turns her focus to parents, teaching them how to raise mentally strong and resilient children. Do today’s children lack the flexibility and mental strength they need to cope with life’s challenges in an increasingly complicated and scary world? With safe spaces and trigger warnings designed to "protect" kids, many adults worry that children don’t have the resilience to reach their greatest potential. Amy Morin, the author who identified the characteristics that mentally strong people share, now gives adults—parents, teachers, and other mentors—the tools they need to become mental strength trainers. While other books tell parents what to do, Amy teaches parents what "not to do," which she says is equally important in raising mentally strong youngsters. As a foster parent, psychotherapist, and expert in family and teen therapy, Amy has witnessed first-hand what works. When children have the skills they need to deal with challenges in their everyday lives, they can flourish socially, emotionally, behaviorally, and academically. With appropriate support, encouragement, and guidance from adults, kids grow stronger and become better. Drawing on her experiences and insight, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do combines case studies, practical tips, specific strategies, and concrete and proven exercises to help children of all ages—from preschoolers to teenagers—build mental muscle and develop into healthy, strong adults.


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The author of the international bestseller 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do turns her focus to parents, teaching them how to raise mentally strong and resilient children. Do today’s children lack the flexibility and mental strength they need to cope with life’s challenges in an increasingly complicated and scary world? With safe spaces and trigger warnings designed The author of the international bestseller 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do turns her focus to parents, teaching them how to raise mentally strong and resilient children. Do today’s children lack the flexibility and mental strength they need to cope with life’s challenges in an increasingly complicated and scary world? With safe spaces and trigger warnings designed to "protect" kids, many adults worry that children don’t have the resilience to reach their greatest potential. Amy Morin, the author who identified the characteristics that mentally strong people share, now gives adults—parents, teachers, and other mentors—the tools they need to become mental strength trainers. While other books tell parents what to do, Amy teaches parents what "not to do," which she says is equally important in raising mentally strong youngsters. As a foster parent, psychotherapist, and expert in family and teen therapy, Amy has witnessed first-hand what works. When children have the skills they need to deal with challenges in their everyday lives, they can flourish socially, emotionally, behaviorally, and academically. With appropriate support, encouragement, and guidance from adults, kids grow stronger and become better. Drawing on her experiences and insight, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do combines case studies, practical tips, specific strategies, and concrete and proven exercises to help children of all ages—from preschoolers to teenagers—build mental muscle and develop into healthy, strong adults.

30 review for 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success

  1. 5 out of 5

    Kirsten

    I really dislike stuff that sets up a dichotomy between "strong" vs. "weak." The author does indicate that when she says "mentally strong," she means people who have put in mental work, and I do agree with her basic idea that a lot of mental health practices require practice and repetition, much like lifting weights. But the fact remains that the natural opposite of "mentally strong" is "mentally weak," and I just don't feel comfortable with that. It's like someone standing over you going, "what I really dislike stuff that sets up a dichotomy between "strong" vs. "weak." The author does indicate that when she says "mentally strong," she means people who have put in mental work, and I do agree with her basic idea that a lot of mental health practices require practice and repetition, much like lifting weights. But the fact remains that the natural opposite of "mentally strong" is "mentally weak," and I just don't feel comfortable with that. It's like someone standing over you going, "what are you, WEAK? Show 'em what you're made of!" The author also does not take any pains at all to differentiate how one separates, for example, a "victim mentality" (something she feels a lot of people have) from a realistic recognition of the ways that issues like racism and economic status can play into people's outlook. Basically, this book exists in a kind of social vacuum, and the author never even acknowledges these factors, let alone giving the reader tips on how to help their child differentiate. It feels very much like it's written by someone with a fair amount of privilege, with the intended audience being other people with a fair amount of privilege. All that said, by and large I don't disagree with the substance -- there are some pretty helpful tips. I just don't particularly like the presentation.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Rashida

    This was an unexpected perfect summer read. I feel more empowered in my parenting now, and I feel more confident that as I continue to practice the suggestions in the book, I send two mentally strong boys out into the world. Thanks for writing such a needed book Amy. One surprising bonus as a result of reading 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, is that I have a better understanding of the adults that I know. This is a book that I'm sure will continue to be beneficial for years to come. This was an unexpected perfect summer read. I feel more empowered in my parenting now, and I feel more confident that as I continue to practice the suggestions in the book, I send two mentally strong boys out into the world. Thanks for writing such a needed book Amy. One surprising bonus as a result of reading 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, is that I have a better understanding of the adults that I know. This is a book that I'm sure will continue to be beneficial for years to come. My boys are 6 and 18 (in 3 days).

  3. 4 out of 5

    Aimee

    Review originally posted @ Reading Lark: http://readinglark.blogspot.com/2017/... When I reviewed Amy Morin's book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, a few years ago, one of the things I most wanted to ask was a way to teach my children the skills and habits she talked about. I was excited to see the parenting version of 13 Things pop up this month. Although it is more for the parents than the children, it gives caregivers a framework for helping children build the grit, resolve, and me Review originally posted @ Reading Lark: http://readinglark.blogspot.com/2017/... When I reviewed Amy Morin's book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, a few years ago, one of the things I most wanted to ask was a way to teach my children the skills and habits she talked about. I was excited to see the parenting version of 13 Things pop up this month. Although it is more for the parents than the children, it gives caregivers a framework for helping children build the grit, resolve, and mental strength they'll need as they learn and grow. I am the mother of six amazing and energetic kids. Most of the time they are a joy to be around, but occasionally their energy leads me to call them my terrifying space monkeys. Naturally, because I was reading a parenting book, the Universe (or Coincidence if you prefer) decided that my kids should help me put Ms. Morin's suggestions to the test for a couple of weeks by pushing boundaries more aggressively than usual. Here is what we found. In our family, the most important "don'ts" to work on are giving kids too much power (chapter 5), letting kids avoid responsibility (chapter 7), and taking shortcuts (chapter 12) which is pretty much the fuel for the first two. I am a short-cutter. There, I said it. With six space monkeys and a husband who travels frequently, I am often completely spent at the end of the day and just don't have the energy to avoid the other pitfalls. Morin's suggestions, however, have helped quite a bit. In each of the chapters of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, Morin explains the problem habit clearly. She gives great annecdotes to illustrate her points, all while making sure that her suggestions are grounded in the latest science. The short TL;DR highlights sections at the end of each chapter are helpful refreshers and a great starting point to identify specific parenting behaviors both to incorporate and to avoid. The book is clear, logical, and more-or-less chapter independent. I think if a reader were to simply scan the Table of Contents, it would be easy to dive into just the issues that applied to that reader's parenting habits. I've read literally dozens of parenting books over the last fifteen years, and this is one of the best I've read for empowering parents to do better at the most important job they will ever have.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Marta

    I think Morin makes a lot of valid points. I also think that, taken as a whole, the book really is a hidden list for what the perfect parent should be. I know many wonderful parents, and each of them would be missing a step or two along the way. For the tired, worried parent this book may give them clarity on where they are weak, but is a bit skimpier in the hope and help department. Perhaps someone would gain insight but perhaps that same parent would feel called out and not helped.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Mohammed Alali

    I like how direct and clear the instructions in this book are. I also like the stories and enjoyed telling them to my kid.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Matthew

    Always looking for tips and advice in our parenting project. Plenty here, mostly in the "remove the plank from your own eye," vein, which is either pandering to concerned parents or a sage suggestion. Good distinction between punishment and discipline and excellent discussion of perfectionism and its consequences.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Alvin

    I didn’t read her previous bestselling book, and thought this spinoff would be a better, more relevant place to start. Not even a quarter way through and already know this is not the parenting book that will be helpful to me. Information feels extremely outdated.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Dmitriy Rozhkov

    I see this book as a structured catalog of things that can go wrong. So that one could just open a chapter and gain some insights. I have also found this book to be auto-therapeutic. I could reflect a lot on how my parents behaved and how did that affect me. I also found useful that Amy gives an advice for different age groups, so I think it's going to be sitting on my table for the following 10-15 years. In some chapters though I wanted more context because it felt like all the issues were magi I see this book as a structured catalog of things that can go wrong. So that one could just open a chapter and gain some insights. I have also found this book to be auto-therapeutic. I could reflect a lot on how my parents behaved and how did that affect me. I also found useful that Amy gives an advice for different age groups, so I think it's going to be sitting on my table for the following 10-15 years. In some chapters though I wanted more context because it felt like all the issues were magically resolved after applying advice.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Aimee Barnes Pestano

    Written from a coaching lens by a psychotherapist/social worker who is also a foster mom to children with challenging backgrounds, this book is an excellent primer on how to empower your child. Morin teaches tactics that instill a growth mindset and can-do attitude in kids as young as three instead of inadvertently supporting victimhood, manipulation and ruthless competitiveness. Morin emphasizes ethical alignment, consistency, and reward-based incentives, taking a page from adult behavior chang Written from a coaching lens by a psychotherapist/social worker who is also a foster mom to children with challenging backgrounds, this book is an excellent primer on how to empower your child. Morin teaches tactics that instill a growth mindset and can-do attitude in kids as young as three instead of inadvertently supporting victimhood, manipulation and ruthless competitiveness. Morin emphasizes ethical alignment, consistency, and reward-based incentives, taking a page from adult behavior change methodologies. As a professional coach specializing in behavior modification, I found her approach comfortably familiar and yet learned a ton while identifying some of my blindspots, as well as gaining insight on how to address my shortcomings. This is a jaw-droppingly helpful book for parents who are willing to put in the work rather than leaning on easy short-term "solutions" which set families up for drama and heartache down the road. My husband's reading it now, and it's a manual we'll come back to again and again. I love how she summarizes each chapter in bullet points for quick reference.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Charlotte Ross

    Book No.1 of 2020 Started out as ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (Little bit of a blind spot/privilege vibe I forget where now but it was there) Finished as a very solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. This was a very practical and useful book. I would argue that all would benefit from learning this stuff, not just parents, because in the end it’s about becoming a better human and living a life of integrity, alignment, and self-awareness. When I say practical, I mean I could identify specific things I did « wrong » that I could improve to be a Book No.1 of 2020 Started out as ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (Little bit of a blind spot/privilege vibe I forget where now but it was there) Finished as a very solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. This was a very practical and useful book. I would argue that all would benefit from learning this stuff, not just parents, because in the end it’s about becoming a better human and living a life of integrity, alignment, and self-awareness. When I say practical, I mean I could identify specific things I did « wrong » that I could improve to be a better parent. I was able to implement new habits and behaviours immediately. This is a really great book to read with a partner or co-parent. Lots of discussion points and room for nuanced views.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Andrea

    This book was helpful for prompting thoughtful examination of assumptions around parenting and gave useful tips and suggestions for figuring out what works best for each child (and parents). I was disappointed in her seemingly dismissive stance around mental/emotional strength vs. what she called “political correctness” and some misinterpretations of research. She isn’t the only one over many years to miss some glaring oversights in reporting and interpreting the (in)famous marshmallow test: http This book was helpful for prompting thoughtful examination of assumptions around parenting and gave useful tips and suggestions for figuring out what works best for each child (and parents). I was disappointed in her seemingly dismissive stance around mental/emotional strength vs. what she called “political correctness” and some misinterpretations of research. She isn’t the only one over many years to miss some glaring oversights in reporting and interpreting the (in)famous marshmallow test: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thea...

  12. 5 out of 5

    Sara

    Great, practical and real life tales, tips and advice.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    Good lessons with lots of practical, ready to implement strategies.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Rasa Svelnikaite Pieslike

    When you read a book and you find many explanations about yourself as a person, your preferences and values and, a book is not about your personal growth and development, but about child’s, you cannot evaluate this star-book less than 5! Examples rich content, well structured. Enjoyed every page and I think I will open this book few times in the future again, just to remind myself how correctly put values into words and actions.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Jenny

    Some helpful insights, but a lot of repetition. Worth reading the chapter summaries though!

  16. 4 out of 5

    Eileen Guest

    Meh. The book seemed repetitive and wasn’t really anything new.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Lisa

    I felt like most of the 13 things were pretty obvious, but I still found a few useful pieces of information and it's always a good thing to have good parenting lessons reinforced. I really liked the way the book was organized and how the author included a lot of real life examples.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Tiffany

    A really good read. A lot of little "a ha" moments for me. I'm happy to report in some areas I'm doing okay! But in others, changes definitely need to be made. I think this is an important book for parents to read. Sometimes I read books like these and I pull out the things that I think are good and discard the things I don't agree with. I would say I would agree with majority of this book, there wasn't much I read and thought, that's not right.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Alene

    Finally, a book that takes a different approach to parenting, focusing on mental health and resilience on both sides of the fence. Using lots of case studies for examples, the author offers clear insight into how parents may be doing too much, thus failing to aid their children to grow into healthy adults.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Will Dent

    Great book with a bunch of practical advice categorized by age groups and with real stories about her clients. Spoiler alert, most of the issues with kids stem from Parents and the fix is the parents not the kids.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Hawra2910

    I just finished this amazing book, It worked as a guide for me to help me raise my kids, after reading it I became more aware of how the things I do everyday effect my kids. I will definitely reread it in a few years, and would recommend it to my parent friends.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Cory Vance

    Too often our energy and focus is on growing and excelling at work. This book reinforces the "work" that needs to be put in at home with our kids. Some times not easy, but the pay off is so much more.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Marcin Nowak

    the author came through a lot. she shares her methods of coping with hardship. I found many of them very pragmatic and applicable in everyday life of a (step)parent.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Cameron

    I have read a lot of parenting books over the years, but this is the one that I would recommend above all others. Disclaimer: I was a foster parent for many years and currently have biological and adopted children in my home. Two of my children have had their share of behavior problems-likely related to their previous trauma. I also work with patients with significant trauma histories...I may be a bit biased because I feel like many of my experiences mirror those described in the book. I appreci I have read a lot of parenting books over the years, but this is the one that I would recommend above all others. Disclaimer: I was a foster parent for many years and currently have biological and adopted children in my home. Two of my children have had their share of behavior problems-likely related to their previous trauma. I also work with patients with significant trauma histories...I may be a bit biased because I feel like many of my experiences mirror those described in the book. I appreciated Amy's commentary because I felt like she knew where I was coming from. The focus of this book is on teaching kids and parents resilience, strength and wisdom. With my own kids, I have struggled with wanting to spoil them rotten, shield them from their painful past, and generally keep them from suffering. It was painful for me to see them having struggles with school, relationships and family. I was so thankful that they had been placed in my home after experiencing more hardship in a few short years than most people experience in a lifetime and I promised them that they would never suffer again and I placed them in the center of my universe... Moving forward a few years, I realized that I needed to do something different. My kids were having more struggles because, under my watch, our family lost the ability to have balance, my kids made the decisions because I would feel guilty otherwise, and I wasn't helping them learn how to become responsible members of society. While I love my children dearly, I don't want to have non-productive members of society living in my house at the age of 35 still trying to figure out how to leave the nest. Amy's book really focuses on concerns specific to our current generation of parents and children. It is right-on in so many ways and brings a fresh look to parenting. It is a quick and easy book with hints of humor throughout. You will be amazed with some of the research she mentions, for example how many parents contact the adult child's boss or university teacher when the adult child gets reprimanded or gets bad marks on exams.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Matt Lord

    Pretty good book. Nothing too surprising - all the advice was good advice, and seemed in line with everything else I have read and heard. The general theme of the book is advocating a parenting style that is like a compromise between the "super-involved self-esteem helicopter" parenting style more common in the last few decades vs the previous generation's much less involved achievement-focused parenting style. (I'm probably not describing this quite right, but hopefully you get the idea.) The bo Pretty good book. Nothing too surprising - all the advice was good advice, and seemed in line with everything else I have read and heard. The general theme of the book is advocating a parenting style that is like a compromise between the "super-involved self-esteem helicopter" parenting style more common in the last few decades vs the previous generation's much less involved achievement-focused parenting style. (I'm probably not describing this quite right, but hopefully you get the idea.) The book is formatted around 13 general things not to do, but which inversely is about the right things to do. (It sometimes seemed odd and backwards, like the answer to a jeopardy question.) Each chapter is actually quite broad and wide-ranging in content. For example, the chapter about "not spoiling your kids" ranged from effort vs success, genuine vs exaggerated praise, teaching empathy, gratitude, volunteering and "evoking awe". And there are interesting little case studies with examples throughout. I was originally tempted to skip some chapters but decided to skim instead, which was the better choice, cuz there were still some interesting tidbits I didnt expect. The writing style was a bit redundant, but that was to drive the points home. Sometimes I wished it was more specific in some areas, but I suppose there are entire books out there dedicated to the subjects of each of these chapters. The author does make an effort to specifically address different age ranges in each chapter, which was nice. Overall, I'd recommend it if you are looking for a general parenting advice book, and have kids aged around 5 to 18.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Monica

    Amy Morin's latest book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do is a mixture of parental coaching, parental strategy reference book, parenting exercises and ideas to improve your parenting skills. In other words, it is a great book to read and to keep for further reference. Each chapter of 13 Things takes one tenant of Morin's advice to help readers become better parents. Chapters include: They don't parent out of guilt, They don't expect perfection, They don't confuse discipline with punishm Amy Morin's latest book, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do is a mixture of parental coaching, parental strategy reference book, parenting exercises and ideas to improve your parenting skills. In other words, it is a great book to read and to keep for further reference. Each chapter of 13 Things takes one tenant of Morin's advice to help readers become better parents. Chapters include: They don't parent out of guilt, They don't expect perfection, They don't confuse discipline with punishment and they don't take shortcuts to avoid discomfort. Every time I would read a chapter, I thought, "Wow, this is the best chapter." Then I would go on and think that about the next chapter. Each chapter is truly loaded with solid stories from other parents or Morin's experiences working with children, along with advice and ideas on how to help the chapter work for your parenting, whether you have a pre-schooler or a teenager. Morin's book also clearly shows she is up-to-date on what is going on in our world today. She relates to parents in a way that is current with modern society with the constant social media input that we have as parents. I was privileged to be part of Amy Morin's launch team with other parents who previewed 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do. Together, online,we read slowly and discussed each chapter and shared parenting notes every week. I can't begin to tell you how helpful both the book and the group were to my husband and I as we parent our teenage son. I highly recommend 13 Things. I would also encourage you to not just read the book but to find a group of parents that you can share the book with and discuss it together, either in person or on-line. I am sure your learning will multiply with your time and efforts and you will become a better parent for having done so. I received a special advanced copy of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do from the author and publisher. I was not required to write a positive review in exchange for the book

  27. 5 out of 5

    Rhys Powell

    This is a book for life, something that will be read at different stages of the families growth together. Approach it with a fully open mind, be critical of yourself and embrace all of your failings. It is certainly better you admit you might be doing things wrong as opposed to your children doing things wrong. It was as much a journey of personal reflection as I has been learning about raising well balanced children. I won't say good as people have different ideas of what's good, what's right an This is a book for life, something that will be read at different stages of the families growth together. Approach it with a fully open mind, be critical of yourself and embrace all of your failings. It is certainly better you admit you might be doing things wrong as opposed to your children doing things wrong. It was as much a journey of personal reflection as I has been learning about raising well balanced children. I won't say good as people have different ideas of what's good, what's right and wrong, something ably demonstrated in multiple chapters. It is certainly worth a read for any parent, no matter the age of the child. It only has four stars simply because of the content it is covering. As much as the author does an amazing job of story telling and using case example the technical bits are still a bit dry. I still finished every chapter questioning myself, in particular the last chapter. Its amazing how very little time most of us spend looking at ourselves and the fundamental things that we pass on to our children. This book is great for correcting that!

  28. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    So, so helpful. This is a great book for parents/caregivers of toddlers to teenagers. Here is the 13 things mentally strong parents don't do: 1. Condone a victim mentality 2. Parent out of guilt 3. Make their child the center of the universe 4. Allow fear to dictate their choices 5. Give their child power over them 6. Expect perfection 7. Let their child avoid responsibility 8. Shield their child from pain 9. Feel responsible for their child’s emotions 10. Prevent their child from making mistakes 11. Conf So, so helpful. This is a great book for parents/caregivers of toddlers to teenagers. Here is the 13 things mentally strong parents don't do: 1. Condone a victim mentality 2. Parent out of guilt 3. Make their child the center of the universe 4. Allow fear to dictate their choices 5. Give their child power over them 6. Expect perfection 7. Let their child avoid responsibility 8. Shield their child from pain 9. Feel responsible for their child’s emotions 10. Prevent their child from making mistakes 11. Confuse discipline with punishment 12. Take shortcuts to avoid discomfort 13. Lose sight of their values 13 Things helped me realize some parenting mistakes I was making and also lead me to make some positive changes in my parenting. This book also helped me view myself as a parent in a more positive way. I highly recommend this book.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Tiffany

    Torn. Some useful anecdotes and tips, and I don't disagree with much of the advice, but the way she presents and frames the problem often rubbed me the wrong way. Much is generalized from anecdotes, rather than data. Other reviewers have already commented on her victim mentality chapter as being incredibly blind about existing injustices. She seems to write from a place of unacknowledged privilege. She also bemoans things like a society that allows kids to get participation trophies. This smacks Torn. Some useful anecdotes and tips, and I don't disagree with much of the advice, but the way she presents and frames the problem often rubbed me the wrong way. Much is generalized from anecdotes, rather than data. Other reviewers have already commented on her victim mentality chapter as being incredibly blind about existing injustices. She seems to write from a place of unacknowledged privilege. She also bemoans things like a society that allows kids to get participation trophies. This smacks of using an overblown issue to reveal a political bias to me, rather than solid evidence to back up her thesis of 'weak' kids. And it seemed particularly tone-deaf when she used a Cosby show reference in a book written in 2017.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Mell Meunier

    I've recently read "the self driven child" and "raising happiness" and thought I would cap off my parenting book binge with this one. The intro was promising but then it became clear that the author was coming from an obvious place of privilege as she made her way through the victim hood chapter. She then gave a very 1960`s children should be seen and not heard vibe while talking about power dynamics in a family. I have decided not to finish the book, though she does provide some great points I I've recently read "the self driven child" and "raising happiness" and thought I would cap off my parenting book binge with this one. The intro was promising but then it became clear that the author was coming from an obvious place of privilege as she made her way through the victim hood chapter. She then gave a very 1960`s children should be seen and not heard vibe while talking about power dynamics in a family. I have decided not to finish the book, though she does provide some great points I found the overall approach sanctimonious and many of her points conflict with more modern parenting books written by neuropsychologists and other child psychiatric professionals. The book isn't bad, it just isn't good.

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