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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

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This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children. Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will B This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children. Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond.She'll help you to: - Understand how your own upbringing may be impacting upon your parenting style - Contain, express, accept and validate your own and your child's feelings - Understand that all behaviour is communication - Break negative cycles and patterns - Accept that you will make mistakes and what to do about themAlmost every parent loves their children, but by following the refreshing, sage and sane advice and steps in this book you will also find yourselves liking one another too.


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This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children. Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will B This book is about how we have relationships with our children, what gets in the way of a good connection and what can enhance it The most influential relationships are between parents and children. Yet for so many families, these relationships go can wrong and it may be difficult to get back on track. In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad that You Did), renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry shows how strong and loving bonds are made with your children and how such attachments give a better chance of good mental health, in childhood and beyond.She'll help you to: - Understand how your own upbringing may be impacting upon your parenting style - Contain, express, accept and validate your own and your child's feelings - Understand that all behaviour is communication - Break negative cycles and patterns - Accept that you will make mistakes and what to do about themAlmost every parent loves their children, but by following the refreshing, sage and sane advice and steps in this book you will also find yourselves liking one another too.

30 review for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did)

  1. 4 out of 5

    Woollythinker

    I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations. There was some, of course, henc I really hated this book. I can't relate at all to the author's assumptions that everything you find difficult about looking after a kid (even a baby) goes back to the way you yourself were neglected as a child. Honestly, babies are just a LOT of work, and it's completely reasonable to get fed up, even if you had a perfect upbringing! So that background irritation made it a lot harder to sift the text for possibly useful advice on how to handle those frustrations. There was some, of course, hence the two stars; but I didn't find it nearly as helpful or readable as the classic How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, which Perry references. (And which approach in any case doesn't work for one of my two. Just saying.) Further irritations: the immense privilege in advice such as: spend 24 hours to a weekend one-on-one with your kid, either in a hotel or by shipping the rest of the family off to relatives. Wow. Not an option for everybody, is that? Also the examples of how to seek support when you have a baby: "Maybe your mum can pay a year's rent! Maybe your sister can cook your meals!" Cue guffaws. Sure, maybe that'll work for a lucky few. Not a hugely helpful idea for most, though (and while we're on the subject, what's with passing the burden onto specifically the women of the extended family?). And then there's the guilt-heavy attachment parenting philosophy. I lean towards AP myself, but yeesh. Perry insists that she doesn't want to judge, yet she draws a direct line from parents using their phone in front of kids to the kids' possible drug addiction in later life. Yes, seriously. There are certainly plenty of reasons to limit your phone use, but that's a Bit Strong.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Paromjit

    Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children. It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were rai Psychotherapist Phillipa Perry provides sound common sense advice for parents on how to improve their relationships with their children, much of which will be familiar to professionals that work with children. It is easy to understand, with highly accessible material and ideas on how to improve home life and make it a significantly happier environment. Perry puts a necessarily strong emphasis on parents putting in the effort to understand themselves and the nature of how they themselves were raised, which often plays a major influence on how they parent their own children. Key to everything is communication and pertinent advice is offered on how to handle problematic behaviours and patterns, the need to accept mistakes and supporting children in positive ways. Widening and shifting perspectives on situations and understanding a child's point of view provide opportunities for better parent and child relationships. This is a great book for parents with plenty of useful advice on how to improve family life. Many thanks to Penguin UK for an ARC.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Hilary

    This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals. In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older. I agree with Philipa, I think it's h This is a lovely book for anyone starting a family. I skimmed some as my children are virtually adults and from what I've read I completely agree with Philipa. Give your children loads of patience, attention, be there for them whenever they need you and they should grow into happy independent individuals. In short, the more time, attention and care you give them when they are small the less time you will have to spend sorting out problems when they are older. I agree with Philipa, I think it's hugely important for children to have a parent around when they're small and have the option to get in your bed if they need it, it doesn't last for ever, I wish I could enjoy some of those times again. This book has some lovely, kind and sensible advice. Sadly though it might be one of those books you are more likely to read if you already have those views. I really hope this helps some people and their children.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power. Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much i This was an interesting read insofar as it pushes the boundaries of how useful a parenting guide can be without considering patriarchal power. Unlike the vast majority of parenting guides, Philippa Perry's The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read gives mostly sensible, empathetic advice for how to relate to people (most of the things she says could apply to relationships with anybody, although are especially relevant to your own children because of how much time you spend with them and how much influence you have over them). As she is a psychotherapist, I was expecting the inevitable section on attachment theory, which as usual was a mixture of common sense and unnecessary rules (why does a child have to form close attachments to exactly one or two people? Is co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact really necessary for bonding given decades of doing it differently? etc.) But on the whole, Perry manages to be remarkably undogmatic given the genre she's writing in. My problem was, then, that even though Perry is very careful to address her advice to 'parents' rather than 'mothers', she does ignore that fact that, inevitably, more mothers than fathers will read this book, and that the huge investment of time and emotional labour she suggests parents put into their children will, on average, be borne by women. I agree with Perry's view that children deserve this time and attention, and I'm conscious of the fact that children don't choose to be born and so choosing to have children is choosing to put in this commitment. However, Perry's parenting style seems to me to be only possible if both partners are doing an equal share of the work, which is still very far from the norm in Britain today in heterosexual couples. Otherwise, I feel like her advice might leave the parent doing the bulk of the child care (usually but not always the mother) feeling burnt out and mentally unwell. She doesn't seem to have much sympathy, for example, for what she calls 'altered sleep patterns' (!!) that result from night waking, and is pretty condemnatory of anyone who dares to steal some leisure time for themselves while spending time with their child. She seems to also forget about parents who have more than one child to deal with at once. Children definitely deserve to be taken seriously, and I totally agree with how Perry talks about children's feelings and needs. However, this book should have recognised both that primary caregivers have needs as well, and that, in the real world, putting such a huge load solely on one person is bound to lead to struggles that will impact the child as well as the parent. While she obviously can't change this situation, she could have framed her advice differently.

  5. 4 out of 5

    H.A. Leuschel

    This was a good read with some very useful tips to think about for anyone who either is a parent or questions the way they have been brought up, written in a compassionate and clear style.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Philippa

    I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover. I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after re I am not a parent and I got SO much out of this book. Philippa Perry is one of my favourite psychotherapy writers and frankly I'd read a book about paint drying if it had her name on the front cover. I feel like I understand the children in my life - and myself when I was a child - better after reading this. On the whole, society doesn't encourage us to see things from a child's point of view - we are quick to dismiss their feelings as "being silly" and so on. I will never do that again after reading this book! I also liked how Perry eschews the idea of good and bad behaviour - preferring to call it "convenient" or "inconvenient", which is far less judgmental. Even if you are not a parent, if you are curious about how you were raised and would like to reflect on your own childhood, or perhaps feel you have a few issues unresolved, I'd recommend reading this.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Amy Alice

    Fantastic. I'm going to listen to this every year. My strong and personal belief is that relationships rule all. Parenting, teaching, being a good friend...and this bottles that idea and gave me all the reasons why the author think this too, and the science to back it up. It's therapy heavy, it's probably going to make a lot of people mad or guilty, but I loved it.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Sarah Watt

    Has some sensible but not earth-shattering advice about listening to and validating feelings. Overall it advocates a very intensive parenting style that in my view we can't possibly have evolved to need (it's telling that the author only had one child). It comes across as more opinion than evidence-based psychology, steeped in a particular sub-culture, and some of the assertions border on the ridiculous.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Elaine Mullane || At Home in Books

    3.5 stars I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act. I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and 3.5 stars I often try to read books on parenting, more for insight really, but if I can take some tips from it - great! This relatively short book is broken into sections, each detailing how to engage with your child and approach various situations. I found it to be both interesting and practical, and I really appreciated Perry's approach of trying to understand things from your child's perspective before you act. I particularly enjoyed the section on socialisation and the qualities children (and adults!) need to behave well, namely: 1. Being able to tolerate frustration; 2. Flexibility; 3. Problem-solving skills; 4. The ability to see and feel things from other people's point of view. It is important to support your children in learning these qualities, but Perry also suggests that you should employ these qualities when handling situations with your children. I think that's a great way to approach things. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read... suggests ways of addressing things in your own childhood and putting them aside; creating a harmonious home environment; helping children to express how they really feel so their feelings are validated and understood; setting boundaries; accepting mistakes and making efforts to repair situations. Perry encourages you to treasure your relationships with your children and work every day to improve the bond your share. I am really glad I read this book. Thank you to Netgalley and publisher for the opportunity.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Carolin

    Absolutely brilliant and I don’t think you need to have children to take something away from this book.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Claire Hennighan

    I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more. This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future! This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what yo I don't normally read self-help books, but I'd recently had a training session about the use of psychotherapy in schools, a lot of which spoke to me as a parent, and I was keen to find out more. This book is a game-changer. I'm glad that I've read it now, as a parent of a 10 and 7-year-old, but I really wish I'd read it earlier. I'll be buying it for pregnant friends in future! This is not a book providing quick fixes and solutions, but rather one which will increase your understanding of what your child thinks and needs. After finishing reading it two weeks ago, I wanted to work with some of the ideas before reviewing it. All I can say is that our home has been much calmer recently and that we've enjoyed more hugs than we have for a while. Perry's approach makes complete sense to me. I'd particularly recommend this for new parents, but it's also a valuable read for those with older children. Please can Ms Perry next write a similar book for teachers?

  12. 5 out of 5

    Negin Hdzdh

    It was thoughtful, but the title was much more interesting than the book.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Lauren Beckett

    This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on. It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet L This is perhaps the most important and life-changing book I've ever read. The first half felt like therapy for me to work through how I was parented and for me to realise the generational patterns I have been repeating when raising my little girl that are not innate, accidental or just the way I am (as I thought) but can be changed and worked on. It has made me much more mindful of my words and behaviour with my daughter and indeed everyone. Since reading this I'm now an avid listener of Janet Lansbury's 'Unruffled' podcasts that put the philosophy of this book into action with practical tips on how to parent respectfully. Thank goodness I found this book; it has changed my summer and my life. Whether you're a parent or not, this book has the power to improve all your human relationships, at any age. I'm so grateful I came across it.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Kirsty Connell-Skinner

    The antidote to Philip Larkin’s This Be The Verse

  15. 4 out of 5

    June

    First of all, I'm not a parent, but I work with kids. If neither of those are true for you, there's not enough here to make it worth your while--get a book on attachment theory instead if you want to understand your latent anger at your lousy parents. I found myself muttering, "OK Boomer" at all the anecdata and groundless assertions. Seriously, there's a dramatized argument between a 60-year-old man and his 22-year-old son over a leather jacket that is the most Boomer-vs.-Gen Z thing ever. And o First of all, I'm not a parent, but I work with kids. If neither of those are true for you, there's not enough here to make it worth your while--get a book on attachment theory instead if you want to understand your latent anger at your lousy parents. I found myself muttering, "OK Boomer" at all the anecdata and groundless assertions. Seriously, there's a dramatized argument between a 60-year-old man and his 22-year-old son over a leather jacket that is the most Boomer-vs.-Gen Z thing ever. And of course, the two recognize and vocalize their feelings and save their relationship (though who will get the jacket?! Inquiring minds want to know). Perry truly believes that "all you need is love" and doesn't have much scholarly research to back her recommendations up. There is a bibliography at the end of the book with a few peer-reviewed articles, more mainstream parenting books, and several sketchy self-published sources. Her advice seems most applicable to people like herself--well-to-do urban dwellers who don't have to do shift work and can hire au pairs and babysitters to help. She only alludes to abuse once in the entire book. And her solution to financial problems caused by high housing costs? "I believe that, while we wait for the politicians to rectify this unfairness, perhaps the previous generation could help out new parents financially as well as emotionally." So.... new parents can expect a check from you, Philippa? Three stars because I don't wish my parents had read this book, but I don't wish they hadn't either. Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for a digital ARC for the purpose of an unbiased review.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Paul

    Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage. This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case Parenting is never easy. There is no right way to do it, but there are plenty of wrong ways and for those that are interested there are a plethora of books out there that claim to provide all the advice that you will ever need in raising your genetic heritage. This, however, comes with the by-line, this is a parenting book for people who don’t buy parenting books, which is quite a bold claim. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry is well placed to make this claim with two decades of experience of case studies and her own experience of being a parent. She concentrates on the bigger picture of being a parent rather than the minutia, concentrating on the relationship and how important that is to their well being. We have successfully managed to get our firstborn all the way through to adulthood as she was 18 earlier this year. Not totally sure how we managed that, but we did. We were never perfect and reading this has highlighted some errors, but I wish this was around all those years ago when she was first born. If you are starting to hear yourself saying the things that your parent did then it is probably high time that you read this. It is full of sensible advice, but I wished it had more on teenagers, as it is mostly toddler focused. It does have sensible suggestions though and she re-iterates all the way through that these are suggestions and you sometimes need to go with your gut instinct.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Kim Plowright

    I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal. Thought it might be a bit... well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more I was worried about reading this book, because I’m still sorting grieving my parents, whilst coming to terms with being childless and perimenopausal. Thought it might be a bit... well, triggery. But it was honest, straightforward, gently funny and kind, and helped me think about some stuff in my own upbringing in a useful way. The simple advice about how relating to people actually works in the real world feels slightly like magic, and the idea that honest attempts at repairing problems is more important than perfection is one of those blindingly obvious things that it’s still helpful to be told. A day after finishing this I was sitting in my local Starbucks, watching an exhausted looking young mum flick to and fro and re-read the same couple of pages whilst her baby slept happily next to her. They’re going to be ok. (I genuinely nearly cried).

  18. 5 out of 5

    Annie Cole

    Prepare to face the skeletons in your closet. This is a giant therapy session, brushing cobwebs from the hidden-most corners of your childhood. It induced quite a few nightmares in me! But it’s all part of the process. I now feel cleansed and revived. Philippa Perry uses the wisdom of many years as a psychotherapist, agony aunt, wife and mother to guide us through the frankly intimidating role of “parent”, with a focus on the early years. Her sage theories are interspersed with case studies from Prepare to face the skeletons in your closet. This is a giant therapy session, brushing cobwebs from the hidden-most corners of your childhood. It induced quite a few nightmares in me! But it’s all part of the process. I now feel cleansed and revived. Philippa Perry uses the wisdom of many years as a psychotherapist, agony aunt, wife and mother to guide us through the frankly intimidating role of “parent”, with a focus on the early years. Her sage theories are interspersed with case studies from her clients and anecdotes from her own child-rearing days. None of this is done smugly but rather with an honest, human tone. I love the positivity that her attitude exudes. A prime example: in another parenting book that I recently read, the author spoke of her disappointment at parents she overheard at the park, condemning their lack of knowledge and demonising their interactions with their children. Here, Perry praises random parents that she overhears. She also cites her child’s headteacher as one of her major influences. And she is constantly reassuring us that it can, and will, be okay in the end. I don’t know if it’s the newfound confidence instilled in me, the results of the psychoanalytical journey that I’ve been on or the practical application of the clear guidance given... but I have seen an instantaneous shift whilst and since reading the book. I feel like I am more patient, calm and understanding. I wonder how long it will last? My only criticism is that Perry is amazing. I mean, really amazing. As in goddess-like (is this a criticism?) She is zen during every toddler tantrum, balanced during every sleepless night, is never without time to listen to her child. It’s great for us to have a role model, but it also feels extremely unattainable. I don’t know anyone who has even a tenth of her composure. But good on her! I thank her for her teachings. And I really do wish my parents had read this book.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Rach

    3.5 stars

  20. 5 out of 5

    Rachel H

    I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about. I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy. This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts I saw so many five star reviews for The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read that I had to see what all the hype was about. I had high expectations and I was disappointed. The book starts well with a section about your parenting legacy. This encourages the reader to unpack one's childhood experiences and traumas and see how they can affect one's parenting. I found this fascinating and it would be good to see this topic expanded into a full book. The following chapters went downhill. Perry starts with pregnancy and goes through from babyhood to adulthood with her parenting advice. Much of this has already been published by other authors and there isn't much new advice here. As I have already read other books and articles about parenting (covering topics like being responsive to your baby, validating your child's feelings, etc) I felt like I had read it all before. Perry's writing style is weak and uncaptivating compared to other parenting books. However, what shocked and disappointed me most were her sweeping statements and strange theories that seemed to place a lot of unnecessary guilt onto the mother (or parent I guess). For example, she states "a baby cannot survive without you". This is a standalone sentence. It is clearly incorrect. If I died tomorrow, my baby wouldn't automatically die too! She also writes about screen time and phone usage. She claims that if a parent uses their phone a lot, it could cause their child to become an alcoholic or a drug addict. Seriously?! Unfortunately, Perry does not cite sources for any of her claims. I've given two stars for the first section on parenting legacy, which is the only part worth reading. There are many far better books about parenting available.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Abdul Sharif

    A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour .. and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing. It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics. This book challenged quite a few of my A brilliant read to understand your own self - highlights quite a few traits, whether it's trusting, sharing your emotions, how you deal with stress, general day to day behaviour .. and how it's linked to your childhood upbringing. It's very well written and has quite a few examples on how to deal with certain situations, for example when your kid is throwing a tantrum, or how you can build trust, or how a parent should tackle difficult conversations/topics. This book challenged quite a few of my beliefs (of raising kids) and I am glad that those opinions were rectified! This may not apply to you right now, however I still highly recommend it!

  22. 4 out of 5

    Rachel

    Update: NO STARS. The more I reflect on this book the more fed up I actually get, because even though I skim-read the baby and toddler chapters since they don’t apply, the tone was disparaging and critical of any parenting method that contradicted the woman’s opinion. The woman causes self-doubt. Avoid.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Elizabeth

    If you read one parenting book make it this one. Firstly, it’s so easy to read, meaning difficult concepts are explained throughly and great examples used. Secondly, good to read for all ages, pregnancy to adulthood. Thirdly, great advice.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Molly

    There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book. I loved the image of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works. But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So...the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you. God help the woman who happen There is some good stuff is here but it’s largely philosophy you can find in any gentle parenting/positive discipline book. I loved the image of being a container for your child’s emotion—it’s evocative and it honestly works. But the junk outweighs the good stuff. So...the stuff I hated: Perry reiterates “the ruptures don’t matter, it’s what you do to mend that matters” but her tone is so patronizing and condescending that you know she’s not so secretly judging you. God help the woman who happens to read this during post partum depression (if that’s you, just throw this book in the fire). I don’t think my kid will try and jump out a window because I made the mistake of trying to hard to make them happy, or grow up being ashamed on needing another person because they were sleep trained, or become a drug addicted because I look at my phone. Honestly the majority of this stuff is totally absurd and I’m fairly sure the “evidence” she talks about sleep training is from that study fo Romanian orphanages where children were neglected for months and abused. And one last thing: I had a very happy childhood but GASP I still manage to find my children annoying sometimes.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Mauro Camara Escudero

    Well written, a bit repetitive at times. I loved the stress of the author on valuing the connection and relationship between parents and kids, as opposed to a more “functional” and manipulative way of parenting. The main takeaways, in my opinion, are - When you get distressed about your child, look for triggers in your past. Does that situation resonate with your childhood? You need to open yourself up to someone (even yourself) about your childhood. Decide what you want to learn from your parents Well written, a bit repetitive at times. I loved the stress of the author on valuing the connection and relationship between parents and kids, as opposed to a more “functional” and manipulative way of parenting. The main takeaways, in my opinion, are - When you get distressed about your child, look for triggers in your past. Does that situation resonate with your childhood? You need to open yourself up to someone (even yourself) about your childhood. Decide what you want to learn from your parents and what you want to improve. - Connect with your child. Accept and contain their emotions, be supportive and empathetic. - Set up boundaries protecting YOUR triggers. When you want your child to do something speak in terms of you, not of the child. This guarantees honesty and openness. Example: if you are at the park and want to go home say something like “I’m not comfortable being at the park much longer because I’m getting cold and bored. We’re going home in 5 minutes” rather than “You’ve been playing at the park too long” (blaming it on the child, and defining the child), or even worse “It’s late, let’s go” (playing “fact tennis”). - Don’t play fact tennis, speak in terms of emotions. I would have enjoyed it more had there been more references to studies and papers.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Diego Silva

    Invaluable lessons on how to become a more empathetic, less judgemental and reasonable parent. It has helped in connecting with my daughter and realising old patterns in my parenting. I highly recommend it!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Imogen Caddy

    Loved this book, I have an almost 2 year old and it has helped me so much with our relationship and helping me to understand how she is growing up.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Andreea

    I found this book full of compassion for parents and for kids as well. It felt liberating to read about some of the things i’ve missed when becoming a parent which made me gather a lot of frustration. My worry now is that I’ll forget the things the book thought me.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Noelle Robnett

    This book takes you through parenthood from before conception to adulthood. You take a look at your own upbringing and understand your parents better and learn how to be understanding, loving, supportive, honest, and communicative in all of your relationships, not just in your parental role. I recommend this book to everyone! Yes yes yes! Why haven’t you bought it yet?

  30. 5 out of 5

    Michelle

    Didn't realise this was about having a kid, thought it was about parenting more generally Worried I've started a rumour. I'm defs not pregs.

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